Appreciating Each Other's Gifts

The year when my family and friends celebrated my 65th birthday with me, we had about 16 people including 3 noisy little boys ages 8, 4 and almost 3 in my not that big living room. It was joyful mayhem at its best.

Awhile after the event I was discussing the wonderfulness of it all and the Martian (my husband Bart) said he realized that one of the things he wants to learn from me is how to create a loving family and friends as I have done.

He reiterated how both his mother and father left their families behind and subtly and not so subtly gave him and his sister the message that people and particularly families are too much bother and trouble. We all know that families are bother and trouble.  To me there is so much happiness from the relationship support I have with my family and friends. There is great joy and richness in working out of the bother and trouble.

Here's a couple of quotes from my step-daughter's special birthday gift to me 70 Things I Love About You. (Are you curious why it's 70 not 65 for my 65th birthday? When I was 60 she mistakenly made a list of 65 which we all laughed about but I wouldn't let her take any away so now she's creating a tradition of giving me 5 extra. I like it!)

 #14. Your unconditional love for all your children and grandchildren

 #15. The pride you have in your children for both large and small accomplishments

 #50. The way you allow others to be themselves

This is one of my gifts but it was not always this way.  My family was a crazy one including a cheating dad who molested me and a raging mother who focused a lot of that rage on me. But along with their dysfunction I also saw how they made their best friend's family into their own. The Martian saw almost no one ever even visit his childhood home. I  had to take the lessons and gifts from my childhood and create my own relationship support.

I love having this gift but how extraordinarily wonderful it is that my then 74-year old husband not only appreciated the gift in me, told me he appreciated it but wanted to change his ways and develop this talent in himself?!

So the next Saturday he invited my daughter, his step-daughter for 23 years to have breakfast with us and I noticed he went out of his way all day yesterday to give out more special hugs than he often does.

He was such a wonderful man!